A theme that keeps coming up when talking with my breastfeeding friends is the expectations of breastfeeding and parenting that they had before giving birth and the reality of it after giving birth. The two often don’t match up with one another. Here are just a few expectations that I had before I brought my daughter home.
Breastfeeding is natural, so it will be easy
I’m afraid this is often the biggest misconception that new breastfeeding mothers have. Breastfeeding is an absolutely natural thing. Your breasts are designed to make milk after giving birth, and that milk is created specifically for your baby. You’ve read the books on how to breastfeed, you’ve taken a class, and you’ve envisioned your baby latching for the first time. However, your baby didn’t read those books or take those classes, and when that baby meets you, it will be the first time it’s ever seen a breast. How the heck is baby supposed to know what to do with those things!? Guess what? Baby doesn’t know what to do. And oftentimes, due to lack of sleep, surgery, or hormonal changes, those first few feeding sessions might be a jumble of confusion for both you and baby. Sometimes, it goes great in the hospital and then you get home and realize you have this tiny human to take care of and your milk comes in and baby can’t latch because you’re engorged and what do you do now?
The process can be scary and overwhelming. But having the expectation that baby doesn’t know what to do any more than you do and that those first few days (or weeks) are really just practice sessions for you two to figure out what works for you can help make it better. It takes work and, oftentimes, support from a third party. If those practice sessions aren’t going well, seek help.
Sleep when the baby sleeps
This one was my favorite piece of advice! The expectation here is that you will feed the baby and then lay him or her in his or her crib/pack n play/bouncer/swing and then go have a lie down while baby blissfully sleeps for two or three hours. However, depending on your baby, the reality is that baby will feed, fall asleep on your chest, and when you go to put baby down, he or she will immediately wake up, having been taken away from the warm, cozy spot that is your bosom. You can’t very well take a nap in the bed with the baby! Your doctors have told you that is a big no no, either with the promotion of the Back to Sleep campaign or the ABC’s of sleep (is this just an Ohio thing?). And you surely don’t want to take a nap on the couch or in your nice, comfy recliner with the baby! No, seriously, don’t do this!!! So what to do?
Obviously, if you can sleep when the baby sleeps, DO IT! But if you can’t, know that the baby will begin to sleep for longer periods of time soon. If baby absolutely isn’t going to lay down and you NEED sleep, consider calling in reinforcements. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends, coworkers – they all tend to like holding a baby. If you aren’t comfortable with that, consider hiring a postpartum doula*. I know that sleeping while your offspring is in the care of someone else can be daunting, especially when our mama bear instincts are at their highest. I encourage any parent who is even thinking about bedsharing, whether at night or at naptime, to look into safe practices for doing so. You can find a wealth of information on the Internet, and many studies and practical information can be found at http://cosleeping.nd.edu/.
This graphic always makes me laugh
Scheduled feeding vs feeding on cue
Before having a baby, I heard that babies will eat every 2-3 hours. While we were in the NICU, my daughter was on a feeding schedule of every 3 hours. For the most part, it worked out for us, however, remember, I was pumping exclusively for her milk. We maintained that schedule at home, though occasionally, we could tell she was hungry and gave her an extra bit between feedings. Schedule feeding and pumping, I think, made it even harder for me to get my daughter to breast, as I was always doing those things. In hind sight, I feel that if I would have taken a step back and watched for her feeding cues, we may have had more success at feeding from the breast. Even if she wouldn’t have latched, there might have been less crying!
Yes, babies will typically, on average, eat every 2-3 hours. However, how many people consider their baby average? Not many people that I know! So if you’re baby isn’t average, how is your baby going to know to feed like an average baby? They aren’t! So baby might want to feed for 10 minutes here, 10 minutes there, every hour around the clock. Or your baby might want to feed for a good 25 minutes in one sitting and then rest for 2 hours. And then, your baby might want to do both depending on the day of the week. When you bring home a newborn, there is no schedule. They’ve just been hanging out in utero with no circadian rhythm to speak of. But, there are cues you can watch for when baby is hungry.
The best time to put a baby to breast is right when they are coming out of sleep. Babies sleep rhythms are different than adult sleep rhythms, and REM occurs for a baby when he or she is waking up, not when they are deep in sleep. If you see those eyes moving, now’s your chance! Baby is waking up and will likely want to eat. Baby might also begin licking or smacking his lips, opening and closing his mouth, or trying to suck on his own hands. Those are all good early signs that baby is getting ready for feeding time. Baby doesn’t really begin rooting until she is ready to eat. You might also see her fidgeting or squirming and trying to position herself for eating. If you get to the point of baby crying, baby is super hungry and is letting you know! They are likely upset that there is no food, and you may have a difficult time latching. Watch for those early feeding cues. In the beginning, when you are still working on positioning and placement, it takes a little time to latch, and noticing those early cues can help to get baby to breast before the cries begin.
*The great thing about a postpartum doula is that they are there to help in ANY way possible – not just with sleep. You can find a doula at http://www.dona.org/mothers/find_a_doula.php. If you’re in the Akron area, I can also highly recommend Shannon from the Birth Connection of Northeast Ohio.
